Memory and Gift Celebrate a Christian Marriage

The journey to find Memory has been an intense, emotional journey for many.  One of the things I have learned about emotions is we ourselves must commandeer them and seek to shape them.  I can truly say that when I left Gift (Memory’s husband) and Memory’s home yesterday I left with joy in my heart.  I will explain.  First I need to set the record straight on some of my facts from yesterday… 1. she only has one child, not two.  She has a 2 week old baby girl named faith.  2. She got married at 15 and not 14 (if that is really any better).  3. Though Memory did marry to escape  her circumstances, she does love her husband and her husband loves her.

We spent yesterday learning more of Memory’s and Gift’s story together. It seems to me that it is  a classic eloping story.  Memory’s guardians didn’t agree with Gift as a husband (mainly out of control)…so without paying a bride price (a “laboloa”) he, as a 24 year old,  took her from the house and moved her into his.  No ceremony, laboloa, or the blessing of the family. It was two people merely running off and living together.  The family came after Memory and told Gift that if he didn’t pay a laboloa, that was their only concern, he would be punished by law.  The family first asked for K5 million (Kwacha: Dollar – K4, 600: $1).  They negotiated it down the price to K3.5 million.(about $740)

The irony is the laboloa is meant to repay the parents for all their years of  investment in raising a good woman for a man to marry.  Yet the family did very little if anything to help raise Memory as I can see it.  From the time we left Memory to return to the States in 2001 to the 2006 and before they eloped, she lived in 5 different “homes” (I am using the word homes loosely).  That is 5 different homes in 5 years!  She finally had to break down and go to the “Welfare” office because she was considered a benevolent case. The median income in Zambia is  below the poverty level in America or any developed country.  So she was impoverished in the midst of poverty.*

Memory’s new life certainly offers more promise.  I took the evening to gather my thoughts and went back Friday and talked to them as a father would to his daughter who just married (get ready Jordan, it was a dress rehearsal).  Since in the letter she referred to me as her father, I talked to her as a father.    I talked to Gift as  a father-in-law.  I was clearly stern and forth right with Gift and told him Memory is mine and Lori’s daughter since her mother and father died.  I grilled him with questions and made sure he was going to provide for her, that he would love and cherish her, and keep himself only for her as long as they both lived.  I warned that if he hurt my daughter a big and fat (that’s what they say I am:/) “muzungu” (white person) would come back to him and deal with him.  He visibly heard me (it felt good!!!).  I also had him take me to his market where Gift has a small shop.  I wanted to see that he was “gainfully employed”  before I gave him the blessing to marry “my daughter.”

I told Memory that she must be a good wife to Gift, providing meals, love, support, faithfulness, commitment to the marriage.  I am sure this was the only semblance of Christian marriage counsel they received.  Markwetti, Friday, and myself then laid hands on them and prayed over them and baby Faith.  So in short in a matter of a day they had a marriage and life counseling session, wedding ceremony, baby dedication and wedding reception (I left them a wedding and baby shower gift from my family and GPC family.  It was enough money to feed their family for 3 months).  I walked away with a joyful heart about the promise of the marriage and Memory”s new future!

In the process of being here…an amazing celebration is taking place that I “just happened” to be in country for.  I will explain in tomorrows blog.  IT IS A GOD THING!

* Continue to pray for Memory and her dreams at night.  They are heavy and bothersome to her.  She doesn’t rest well.  She says her uncle’s family are witching her and still very upset about her eloping.  Gift is still paying the laboloa and they could be praying evil spirits in her direction until her laboloa is paid.

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