Memory is Found

Today’s road to Memory has been full of many twists and turns, ups and downs, sprinkled with a few pot holes.  But hey…after all this is Africa.  What more could you expect?  Smooth answers to tough questions?  That would be too easy.

My Thanksgiving was spent bouncing around Livingstone, Zambia and many of its compounds looking for one African orphan girl.  Compounds are like little towns inside a  bigger town, much like a suburb would be to a entire metropolitan area.  I toured 5 compounds for 10 hours looking for Memory on Thursday.  I was chasing half baked leads that were ending rather hopelessly.  I had one three year old photo of Memory. I asked school teachers and principals. I was showing fellow youth, that were her age, asking them if they had ever seen her.  I asked random people if they knew her from within compounds where I knew in times past she had lived or played.  Though I looked like an African version of CSI, all my leads were deadends.

The hunt really didn’t start trekking with some viable leads until 7 at night.  It is extremely tough to navigate in dark compounds made of little 2 room houses scattered all across the landscape for miles and miles with only the moon light to guide you (partial moon at that).  By this time my friend, Friday Syabbamba (people from GPC know him!),  had arrived. He traveled 6 hours from his bush home to assist me in the search.    We had also come across Markwetti, a life time friend of Memory’s family and former employee of mine.  His leads were the ones that begin to lead to open doors.

Markwetti was helpful in helping me to understand Memory’s situation as an orphan.  She would often come to Markwetti and confide about her uncle’s estranged and arguably abusive past with her.  One uncle had taken all the clothes and “stuff,” that we had left Memory when we moved back to the States sold, it in the market, and went and got drunk on the money from the stuff we left.  It was a real life remake of Cinderella where the uncles made Memory do all the work of preparing the meals, cleaning for the family, and any OTHER THING the uncles wanted her to do,  while his own daughters got to live a relaxed free of  expectations.  He said there were times they refused to let Memory eat even after preparing the food.  They told her to go make money so she could eat.  Her school’s headmaster said when I showed him the picture of her, that he knew who she was… “she is the girl that always fell asleep in class.”  Once I explained her living conditions to him, he said her sleep was probably due to her home environment.

All this kind of talk just intensified my search.  About 9:00 local time, after consulting with 15-20 people, a cousin took us to Memory and her small two room home where she is living with her 2 week old baby, on other child and HUSBAND of two years.    This was a little detail that was left out of the letter sent last week to me. (See yesterday’s post to read her letter.)  Needless to say the husband and 2 baby factor was not what I was expecting.  Lori and I had listed out a lot of other scenarios that might pop up, but already being married at 17 years of age wasn’t one of them.  There was certainly no indication of that in her letter sent last week.

I am going back tomorrow in the daylight and meet her husband, see her babies, and visit more about her life and the letter she sent.  I hope to get a better grasp on her situation then and if there is anything at all that can be done now to make sure her life is sound and with a positive future, I will.  Here are a couple of things I know, there are a lot of other things I don’t know…

1.       Nobody wants to become a bride and mother at the age of 14…That is what has happened to Memory.  Even in Africa, 14 yr olds aren’t commonly married.  However, it is the life that she is in and I want to do all I can to encourage this very young marriage.

2.       Everyone should marry and love their spouse.  Markwetti believes that her marriage was  likely not a marriage based on love, but one based on escape.  Escaping from the tormented life she had felt for so long.  It’s not right to marry at 14, but neither is it right to be deprived of food.  Her options were pretty limited and she apparently has chosen the marriage to escape her uncles.

3.       Lori and are dazed, confused, bewildered, heartbroken with all the emotions that has gone through us over the past week.  We love Memory. At the same time, we are confident that me coming and following up with Memory to make sure she is safe and moving upward and onward with her life was the best and right thing for us to do.  Though it has been a very expensive venture for us, in both money and time, I tip my hat to those of you assisted us in our pursuit and endeavor.  I came thinking thought I would be bringing Memory back to the States to help educate, right some wrongs, and potentially adopt.  This obviously isn’t the track to take.  I hope spending the day with  her family can be a encouraging and hope building time for all.

Finding Memory and bringing her back home agenda just got changed.  Pray for Memory and her husband that her new life will be better and full of more promise than her previous life was.  I won’t be coming home with Memory, but those of you who have journeyed with us, have memories to process and consider thank God for taking this journey in obedience.   I hope this “Memory” will reside deep in our hearts as we consider how to help the fatherless.