The SEX talk

I am perplexed these days as I raise teenagers, observe our sexually charged culture, pastor a gathering of Christ followers and explorers, at the same time seek to maintain my own sexual integrity.   The views on sexuality and values placed on such issues as monogomy, celebacy, virginity are all over the map.  If you hold to more traditional values of sexuality, the world considers you as out of date as the Puritans or having unrealistic expectations as a follower of Christ. Is our sexuality shaping us or are we shaping our sexuality?  Bloodhound Gang sings “Let’s Do it Like they Do on the Discovery Channel” after all we are just bunch of wild animals.  Is it too much to ask that we tame the beast within?

The ambiguity of sexuality has led us to animal like responses.  We are led to believe that we should do what comes “natural,” feels good, or feels right.  We have lost our guard rails as to what is sexual activity versus what is  fooling around, spooning, or hooking up.  The Kinsey Insitiute  studied 599 college students  from 29 states and asked what they considered sexual activity to be.  The study showed that a person could go so far as “oral contact with genitals” and only 37% of women and 44% of men would classify that as sex¹.

I still value the values of saving oneself sexually until married.  I wish I could have told Lori on our wedding night what she was able to tell me on our wedding night: I have saved myself for you.  Thank you Lori for being disciplined, having values to save yourself.  It was the sweetest and greatest wedding gift you could have given me.

With most of the teens getting their sex education from their peers, in value neutral sex education schools, TV/movies or Teen magazine and only 32% of teens getting their education from their parents, is there any wonder why we wander²?  I want to recommend some resources for wherever you and your family are in the sexual conversation.  Some of these books have shaped, saved, and inhanced mine and Lori’s relationship to be beautiful and complete.  Others we have used as tools to help us educate our children for sound sexuality.

Parents of Young Children…  Parents need to be ready and willing to talk about sexuality in simple child like ways.  Children do not need pperceive sexuality questions with parents as being taboo.  If they can’t ask us, who do you want them asking?  Check out the book How to Talk Confidently With Your Child about Sex.

For Children…  Children will explore and learn many things sexually from the neighborhood kids, TV, or from big brothers or sister (right, wrong or indifferent).  Helping them understand their differences as a parent  is important.  Check out the book Why Boys and Girls are Different

For Parents of Teens…  If you haven’t been talking to your children growing up, this can be an awkward conversation.  Check-out Dobson Preparing for Adolescene or Teens and Sex by Tripp.  Dobson, I am most familiar with and comes with a long line of endorsements.  Another book I am reading right now, that I can personally recommend is 5 Conversations You Must Have with Your Daughter.

Adolescents…Ohhhhhhh, the information (or better put mis-information) that flows freely through the school locker rooms, Internet porn, sleep overs, or at parties, can leave a teenager scarred for life;  or worse thrust them into parenthood years before their due.  Teens and early adults should consider picking up the books He’s Hot, She’s Hot or Wait for Me.  We need to promote open and honest conversations with our teenagers.  Eighty-eight percent of teens said it would be easier to avoid sexual activity and prevent teen pregnancy if they could have better dialouge with their parents about the subject matter.³

Married Adults… If you never learn the correct info, if you are still relying out sleep over sex talks, or locker room education into your marriage, you can go along time in marriage living off of all the misinformation and be very frustrated sexually in your marriage.  I HIGHLY recommend every married couple read the late Dr. Ed Wheat’s (he was a medical doctor and counselor, a powerful combination for this topic) book Intended for Pleasure.  I require all couples that I perform their wedding ceremony to buy and read the book.

Sex is awesome!  Understand the maker of sex was God.  He wants this area of our life to be the best (John 10:10); therefore, stick with the Masters plan.

1. USA Today, Oct 19, 2005 [↩]
2. Christanity Today, July 10, 2000 [↩]
3. Vicki Courtney, 5 Conversations You Must Have with Your Daughter, 2008, pg 159 [↩]